Subject- One week.
Date- May, 31, 2009
Time- 10:42 am
Watching- Nothing
Feeling- Nothing
Weight- w.e.
It's been a week, I can't cry again. I decided to wear some pink, black and pink the pink kinda respects the whole "party" funeral idea. Idk.
I miss him, I didn't miss him when he was...alive but now that I'll never see him I miss him so much.
I...never mind.
Sorry.
Love, Writer Girl.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Fucked
Subject- Fucked
Date- May, 30, 2009
Time- 10:04 pm
Watching- Nothing
Feeling- Nothing
Weight- w.e.
I was on the phone with C.T. before and I got upset and he asked me what I needed...I said Kevin, He hung up and isn't answering my calls...Neither is Kevin. FML.
I just spent the past hour bawling while listening to Crazier by Taylor Swift.
I don't know why I'm double posting for today. Sorry.
Love, Writer Girl.
Date- May, 30, 2009
Time- 10:04 pm
Watching- Nothing
Feeling- Nothing
Weight- w.e.
I was on the phone with C.T. before and I got upset and he asked me what I needed...I said Kevin, He hung up and isn't answering my calls...Neither is Kevin. FML.
I just spent the past hour bawling while listening to Crazier by Taylor Swift.
I don't know why I'm double posting for today. Sorry.
Love, Writer Girl.
Oops
Subject- OopsDate- May, 30, 2009
Time- 12:09 pm
Watching- Nothing
Feeling- Nothing
Weight- w.e.
Sorry for not writing yesterday, I was in the city all day.
I cried yesterday, for the first time in days, Made a complete blubbering fool of my self in fount of C.T., it made him happy that I "Trusted him" It pissed me off, I didn't mean to and now he's all proud of himself, He kept accidentally making suicide comments...And he didn't realize.
I'm supposed to do the memorial thing tomorrow, I still don't have the candles or the Pixie Stixs.
Moms great plan for making me stop feeling like shit is to pretend she doesn't know what or who I'm talking about when I mention it, Not that I'm mentioning it...at all.
My heart hurts.
Love, Writer Girl.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Big girls don't cry
Subject- Big girls don't cry.
Date- May, 28, 2009
Time- 10:38 am
Watching- Nothing
Feeling- Cold and Tired
Weight- w.e.
I haven't slept in days, I still can't cry either btw. No one gets why I'm still Mourning.
Love, Writer Girl
Date- May, 28, 2009
Time- 10:38 am
Watching- Nothing
Feeling- Cold and Tired
Weight- w.e.
I haven't slept in days, I still can't cry either btw. No one gets why I'm still Mourning.
Love, Writer Girl
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Sunday
Subject- Sunday
Date- May, 27, 2009
Time- 11:45 am
Watching- Nothing
Feeling- Vacant
Weight-
Sunday will be a week, it was the day after his brothers birthday.
I'll do my memorial on Sunday.
Love, Writer Girl.
Date- May, 27, 2009
Time- 11:45 am
Watching- Nothing
Feeling- Vacant
Weight-
Sunday will be a week, it was the day after his brothers birthday.
I'll do my memorial on Sunday.
Love, Writer Girl.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
In Mourning
Subject- In Mourning
Date- May, 26, 2009
Time- 11:27 am
Watching- Nothing
Feeling- Mournful
Weight- Idc
I'm in mourning, Head to toe black, Mother thinks I'm over reacting.
Does being in Mourning mean I'm disrespecting his wishes? He wanted a celebration and I'm giving him the opposite of what he wanted, It feels right but maybe it isn't, I think I will do my memorial this weekend, I just need candles I was thinking maybe birthday candles oh and Pixie Stixs. I don't know if Brokeback Mountain is the right choice, but I'll think about it I wish I could remember the name of that god damn band...
I stopped crying, I actually don't think I can, I didn't sleep at all last night and it still doesn't seem real.
Red Bull and Pixie Stixs? Rockstar and Pixie Stixs and Lollipops?
I don't know what to do, I tried writing lists, and for the first time, It actually didn't help...
How, Well I know how
Why, Well we all know why
Who, Well that's a stupid question
What,Well Pete I guess
Where,Well his room I think
That didn't help at all.
No.
No.
Where the hell is that fucking ass hole, what fucking hole has he crawled under?
Love, Writer Girl.
Date- May, 26, 2009
Time- 11:27 am
Watching- Nothing
Feeling- Mournful
Weight- Idc
I'm in mourning, Head to toe black, Mother thinks I'm over reacting.
Does being in Mourning mean I'm disrespecting his wishes? He wanted a celebration and I'm giving him the opposite of what he wanted, It feels right but maybe it isn't, I think I will do my memorial this weekend, I just need candles I was thinking maybe birthday candles oh and Pixie Stixs. I don't know if Brokeback Mountain is the right choice, but I'll think about it I wish I could remember the name of that god damn band...
I stopped crying, I actually don't think I can, I didn't sleep at all last night and it still doesn't seem real.
Red Bull and Pixie Stixs? Rockstar and Pixie Stixs and Lollipops?
I don't know what to do, I tried writing lists, and for the first time, It actually didn't help...
How, Well I know how
Why, Well we all know why
Who, Well that's a stupid question
What,Well Pete I guess
Where,Well his room I think
That didn't help at all.
No.
No.
Where the hell is that fucking ass hole, what fucking hole has he crawled under?
Love, Writer Girl.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Subject- No
Date- May, 25, 2009
Time- 9:47pm
Watching- Nothing
Feeling- No...Confused, angry, upset....no
Weight- Idk
No...It' can't be true...it-it cant be, no, No I wont believe it. I refuse...it can't be true, he couldn't have
I can't stop crying, why can't I stop crying, It's not even crying anymore it's just gasping for air, why isn't there enough air? Why didn't he tell me, I saw him the other day I missed the funeral why didn't he god damn tell me, He knew he was supposed to tell me, why didn't either of them tell me anything before, I could have done something...I could have...
I missed the funeral, It was in Ohio, not like I could have gone anyway but I missed it, I think I'll have my own little memorial thingy, Get 16 Candles (actual candles, not the movie) get a shit load of Pixie stixs and burn the candles while watching Broke back Mountain, nvm I guess that's stupid, I don't know what to do, what do people do when this happens? I tried telling people, no one understood, How can he be gone? How did I not know? why didn't they tell me, He...he knew to trust me, but I guess I wasn't worth it, I'm mad at him, I wish I could say it out loud but I'm mad, I'm mad and I miss him more then I ever have.
There was no band, no movie, no hats, no colour coding, no rainbows and no outside, It was in a church, everyone wearing black and crying.
Why couldn't they have listened to what he wanted?
Sorry, I failed you I should have done better, I love you Peter (You know I'm mad when I call you peter) I'll always remember you, and miss you.
Love, Writer Girl (a.k.a...anything you wanted to call me)
Date- May, 25, 2009
Time- 9:47pm
Watching- Nothing
Feeling- No...Confused, angry, upset....no
Weight- Idk
No...It' can't be true...it-it cant be, no, No I wont believe it. I refuse...it can't be true, he couldn't have
I can't stop crying, why can't I stop crying, It's not even crying anymore it's just gasping for air, why isn't there enough air? Why didn't he tell me, I saw him the other day I missed the funeral why didn't he god damn tell me, He knew he was supposed to tell me, why didn't either of them tell me anything before, I could have done something...I could have...
I missed the funeral, It was in Ohio, not like I could have gone anyway but I missed it, I think I'll have my own little memorial thingy, Get 16 Candles (actual candles, not the movie) get a shit load of Pixie stixs and burn the candles while watching Broke back Mountain, nvm I guess that's stupid, I don't know what to do, what do people do when this happens? I tried telling people, no one understood, How can he be gone? How did I not know? why didn't they tell me, He...he knew to trust me, but I guess I wasn't worth it, I'm mad at him, I wish I could say it out loud but I'm mad, I'm mad and I miss him more then I ever have.
There was no band, no movie, no hats, no colour coding, no rainbows and no outside, It was in a church, everyone wearing black and crying.
Why couldn't they have listened to what he wanted?
Sorry, I failed you I should have done better, I love you Peter (You know I'm mad when I call you peter) I'll always remember you, and miss you.
Love, Writer Girl (a.k.a...anything you wanted to call me)
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